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Friendly Reminder, I am not the Original Poster
Trigger Warning: threats, abuse, possible drug use
Original - posted 2 days ago
Some background: BF (28m) and I (25f) have been together five years, lived together 3. Our relationship was great, truly. We have a joint account we contribute to monthly to handle joint expenses: rent, groceries, etc. Everything else is split.
BF is 6’3”, 200 lbs and works out daily. He eats a lot to keep up his caloric intake, which is fine, except for this one issue.
We buy snacks and he always eats my half before I can even get to it. Normal food and ingredients he’s fine with, but if it’s quickly accessible, I’ll never get any. We argue, he apologizes, rinse and repeat. This is literally the only bad thing he’s done. Seriously, in all other aspects of our relationship, he’s respectful and considerate. Snacks are where all bets are off.
Anyways, last week I lost it after he finished an expensive cheese we had gotten that I really was looking forward to eating. It was all gone after an hour. I lost my shit. I didn’t speak to him for a day and ended up ordering a fridge lockbox. After our next snack run a couple of days later, I divided each snack in half and locked mine in the lockbox. From his reaction, you’d think I was murdering puppies. He said it was disrespectful and controlling, and how dare I keep food that he paid for from him. When I reminded him my money went into it too, he screamed that he didn’t give a fuck and then left. He slammed the door so hard a picture fell off the wall and broke. He didn’t come back until the next day, but that was to change for work and leave immediately. He came home late and went straight to the guest room.
Four days of this. I broke last night and asked him to please talk about it and he said that he had nothing to say to me until I got rid of the lockbox. Honestly, I’m completely appalled at this reaction and I’m genuinely worried he might be on drugs or having a mental break or something. This is the most irrationally I’ve ever seen a grown man react. He’s ignored me only to randomly ask if I’ve gotten rid of the lockbox. I am not getting rid of the lockbox.
We’re supposed to renew our lease next week. I’m considering cutting my losses and just leaving. Is this relationship even worth salvaging? Is there anything I can do to solve this? He is refusing to communicate unless I get rid of the lockbox which is not happening.
Update posted - two hours ago
Hey guys, I don’t know if anyone wanted an update, but here it is. A lot happened.
Boyfriend kept staying out late and refusing to talk. So I tried to talk to my boyfriend about the lockbox again, and I mentioned that I didn’t think the lockbox was the real issue. But he was a brick wall, insisted that it’s abusive and controlling to deny him food. I kept pushing, asking if he was on drugs or cheating. I said him flipping out over something so small and staying out at all hours was suspicious as hell. I said that I thought he was using the lockbox as an excuse to be out of the house doing something bad. Me saying that unleashed an hours-long screaming tantrum that ultimately resulted in him throwing my MacBook against the wall and shattering it. Honestly, I really thought he was going to hurt me.
So, yeah. Called my dad, who called the cops. I don’t want to get too into the legality of it, but I’m pressing charges for destruction of property. It was a $2500 laptop.
Dad and my godfather moved me out yesterday, and I’m now looking for a new place. I don’t have a lot except for clothes, and a couple of kitchen appliances. I left the lockbox, but took my snacks with me, because fuck him. I left it locked, too.
Ex-bf has been spamming me. I’d block him, but I feel like I need this for evidence in case his behavior escalates. I texted him the first night that we are done, took our photos down, everything. He began ranting at me.
- raging about how I still didn’t get rid of the lockbox
- Asking for stuff he gifted me back
- Telling me I owe him money and rent for his new place
- That I owe him a car(?) I have no idea why he would say this, I have never even driven his current car
- That my MacBook was old snd worthless and he wouldn’t pay for a new one (I bought it last year brand new)
After about an hour, I guess he realized that we were actually broken up and he couldn’t bitch me down anymore. Then came the paragraphs about how he was gonna marry me, he loves me, he wants to be better for me, that I can keep the gifts and he’ll buy me a better MacBook. He freaked out over seeing I took our pictures down from SM. He then started sending me screenshots of his Google searches of engagement rings and telling me to pick one. He also sent a couple voice messages of him just sobbing.
Any respect I had for him as a person is just completely gone. I want nothing to do with this man. I don’t care if he’s having a breakdown, or on something. He’s not my problem. I screenshotted his messages and forwarded them to his mother. She can deal with her son. That’s the most I’ll ever do for him again.
As for me, I’ll be okay. I have some savings, so taking on full rent for a place as well as deposit and fees won’t be too much. This has been a weird week. I feel like I should be sad, but like I said I lost all respect and don’t feel anything but disdain for him. My parents have been buying me my favorite comfort snacks and being super supportive. They’re gently pushing for therapy, and I think it’s probably a good idea. I’ll start my search once I’m settled in a new place.
** Marking as Concluded as she is now out of this relationship. Her new life is just beginning!**