r/HolUp Jul 05 '22 Helpful 6 Wholesome 12 Silver 3

Hol up Choose flair, get ban. That's how this works

Post image
67.4k Upvotes

u/QualityVote Jul 05 '22

If this submission makes you go "Hol'Up", UPVOTE this comment!

If this submission does not make you go "Hol'Up", DOWNVOTE this comment!


Whilst you're here, /u/Kyouma1190, why not join our public discord server or play on our public Minecraft server?

743

u/Haywood_jablowmeeee Jul 05 '22 Silver

I found out my boss was sexually harassing a few ladies at work. I bought a book from NAMBLA and addressed it to his wife with a card saying he wanted a divorce.

224

u/doquan2142 Jul 06 '22

NAMBLA

Most unexpected TIL for me ever.

92

u/EveryOptionSucks Jul 06 '22

For a brief amount of time I naively believed South Park made it up...

54

u/Cantno_mo Jul 06 '22

North American Marlon Brando Look Alikes

22

u/humantosaytheleast Jul 06 '22

I’m in a watchlist now searching this, aren’t I?

15

u/doquan2142 Jul 06 '22

If those guys from the organization are still kicking then we are safe lol.

6

u/Haywood_jablowmeeee Jul 06 '22 edited Jul 06 '22

Only for 10 years. 5 years just for typing it. I did this about 20 years ago, right after the South Park episode so I’ve been off the list for 10 years……..aaaaand I’m back on the list.

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u/geronimohawkins Jul 06 '22

Same...christ

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u/yoyome85 Jul 05 '22

😂😂😂

4.4k

u/thetablesareorange Jul 05 '22

gee that school administrator seems really unprofessional

159

u/[deleted] Jul 05 '22

[removed] — view removed comment

86

u/CourseDangerous2583 Jul 05 '22

What?

93

u/pic4taco_ivore Jul 05 '22

Average conservative state principal

67

u/CourseDangerous2583 Jul 05 '22

What’s the joke

9

u/Ramfsh Jul 06 '22

Elvis died on the toilet with a sandwich

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u/legoman21790 Jul 05 '22

AVERAGE CONSERVATIVE STATE PRINCIPLE

11

u/Sawgon Jul 05 '22 edited Jul 05 '22

Republicans

EDIT: This just in, group of people who call others "snowflakes" mald and instantly downvote a meanie word. :(

19

u/Boxsteam1279 Jul 06 '22

Just because people dont understand the punchline doesn't mean theyre snowflakes lol

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u/LarryLovesteinLovin Jul 05 '22

… are assholes.

Finished this for you :)

1

u/ripyourlungsdave Jul 06 '22

The joke is that the more conservative the area is, the shittier schools get. Because they actively defund them while finding ways to put that money into private Christian schools to leave parents with the choice of either sending their kids to the underfunded, shitty government school that has to follow rules about what they teach, or the for-profit, private Christian School that costs $8,000 a semester where they're allowed to spend two months teaching you all the reasons why evolution isn't real and why God hates gay people.

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u/SteeperVirus05 Jul 05 '22

Imagine if Reddit went a full day without politicizing every conceivable subject

38

u/astroaranda Jul 05 '22

i think we would all unify as humans but that day will never come

10

u/DrTheloniusTinkleton Jul 05 '22

Nah there’s always religion, sexual orientation, racism, misogyny, wealth distribution, warfare, dwindling natural resources, and sexual assault to keep us nice and divided.

And if those get solved somehow, there’s always The Beatles vs The Rolling Stones.

10

u/ThatNachoFreshFeelin Jul 06 '22

And if those get solved somehow, there’s always The Beatles vs The Rolling Stones.

And beyond that: - Mozart vs Beethoven - The Beatles vs The Kinks - The Who vs Led Zeppelin - Elton John vs Billy Joel - Genesis with/without Peter Gabriel - The Bee Gees vs ABBA - Jethro Tull vs The Carpenters - Lawrence Welk vs Renaldo and the Loaf - The Archies vs The Banana Splits

I mean, the list just goes on and on...

6

u/riffraff12000 Jul 06 '22

The answer is simple. We should all unite around GWAR.

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u/Fuck_you_Reddit_Nazi Jul 06 '22

How dare you compare Jethro Tull to the Carpenters??!!

5

u/[deleted] Jul 06 '22

Clearly The Kinks are the best thing listed

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u/mytwocentsshowmanyss Jul 06 '22

Everything is inherently political because the choice to be "apolitical" is a stance of political privilege.

That said, this was weak af

11

u/KingGage Jul 06 '22

Everything is not inherently political because politics is something only defined by sentient beings. If all life died tomorrow nothing on earth would be political because there would be noone to politicize it.

4

u/miso440 Jul 06 '22

1

u/KingGage Jul 06 '22

Pedantic or not, it's still true

4

u/qqumber Jul 06 '22

How did this give me hope AND depression at the same time

5

u/KingGage Jul 06 '22

Realizing that we are both very significant (because we assign all value) and insignificant (because neither we nor anything else has inherent value) is a weird feeling.

3

u/KevroniCoal Jul 06 '22

This is sometimes the thought process that helps me reevaluate the stresses I might be dealing with (typically social stresses/anxieties). It helps to remind myself how insignificant and unimportant we are in the grand scheme of things (like how the universe itself is so incredibly large). So a particularly stressful encounter with someone doesn't seem to be quite as bad as my primate social brain wants me to initially feel/believe.

But I sometimes need to be careful not to go too far down that rabbit hole and lose all hope in everything lmao

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u/darthcaedusiiii Jul 06 '22

I would imagine it would be a whole lot less fun.

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u/A_Discount_El_Chapo Jul 05 '22

i think we would have world peace

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u/AwesomeDragon97 Jul 06 '22

Redditors can’t even go two seconds without politicizing a random post that has absolutely nothing to do with politics.

2

u/gfolder Jul 06 '22

Wouldn't it be great to admit that it doesn't?

5

u/Boxsteam1279 Jul 06 '22

Am i missing a joke?

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2.3k

u/New_CourierSix Jul 05 '22

Lol. Is this even legal?

1.6k

u/Polari0 Jul 05 '22

No but anon doesn't care

558

u/Artisticslap Jul 05 '22

On what grounds? People lie about stuff all the time and get away with it :/

578

u/Shadow_84 Jul 05 '22

Getting away with stuff doesn’t always inform it’s legality

169

u/Artisticslap Jul 05 '22

Well, no, but in my country atleast you usually have to insult someone publicly to get any consequences. Even politicians can say whatever bs they can think of and the worst possible thing is public ridicule. A fraud would be something that benefitted you and a just outright lying you found someone dead is not a threat either.

19

u/Exldk Jul 06 '22 edited Jul 06 '22

There are multiple ways to go if you want to sue someone for it.

Depending on where you live, it could be illegal spam call, it could also be illegal if you defamed the establishment you pretend to be from.

You could get sued for emotional distress even (making them think that their child is dead).

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u/dtachilles Jul 06 '22

Are you sure it's not illegal. Misuse of telecommunications such as language intended to cause harm is illegal in most places of the world. In my country, there's a potential fine of 2,000 dollars IIRC.

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u/LazySusanRevolution Jul 05 '22

I mean it is a threat, the whole point is to be upsetting, just not an actionable one. But if say someone regularly did this, it would very easily escalate if anyones calling it in, which they might given they were just called by someone posing as a trusted care taker to make a your kid is dead “joke”.

And regardless of legal actionability, it’s uh… fucked up. Would reasonably result in social consequences. Not cool, or edgy, or funny. More like deranged person ruining a fast food employees day despite everyone telling them to stop kind of energy.

48

u/DinoRaawr Jul 05 '22

A threat would be "I'm going to kill your child," not "your child is dead."

17

u/brosal741 Jul 05 '22

I'm concerned that he got so many upvotes. This many people don't know what constitutes a threat? Sheesh.

0

u/CorruptedFlame Jul 05 '22

I'm sure that's very comforting for the woman who was told her child is dead, thanks for clearing it up, now she can get over it... /s

11

u/runescapeoffical Jul 06 '22

Plot twist: It's Saturday and she doesn't have a kid.

17

u/Artisticslap Jul 05 '22

Yeah I totally agree it's not cool in any way and get the comparison but being semantical I don't think it's even an undirect threat and therefore I wanted to know what exactly would make it illegal. Some other person already said it could be considered harassment

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u/lord_flamebottom Jul 06 '22

Yes but what exactly is the crime here?

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u/Macqt Jul 05 '22

I shot a man in Reno and got away with it, still illegal according to sheriff, who I also shot.

The deputy's fine tho.

39

u/JessicaLain Jul 05 '22

Thank goodness you didn't shoot the deputy.

6

u/Macqt Jul 05 '22

I am the deputy.

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u/Pelvic_Pinochle Jul 05 '22

I shot a man in Reno just to watch him die

2

u/cabramattaa Jul 05 '22

I shot a man in Reno with my come

3

u/FlyingHippoM Jul 05 '22

I'm sure it was self defense, but they say it's a capital offense!

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u/beyonddddd Jul 05 '22

A former law professor of mine actually helped to win a case where a kid who prank called his friend's parents to say "your son died in a car accident, come get the body." The parents believed for ~10 minutes their child had died, and it messed them up for life (night terrors, severe anxiety, years of medication and therapy, etc.). The prankster's parents ended up filing for bankruptcy because of lawyer's fees and damages. Professor would always use this case as his prime example for emotional distress, mental anguish.

10

u/Artisticslap Jul 05 '22

Thanks for sharing, that sounds very American. Like, here we have a principle of moderation, I'm not sure if there is latin term for it. If it is to be expected that an average person would react in such a drastic manner, it would affect the verdict but the fees and damages are usually not very high. It also works against victims; two (old and male) jurors recently decided that a woman was not sexually abused, because she attended a reality show within two months of the incident, and thus overruled the judge. Like, what kind of message does that send to people? You're not allowed to cope after trauma? And yeah, this was in Finland, a "civilised" country 🙄

8

u/Vassukhanni Jul 05 '22

Contrary to popular belief the EU is in general more litigious than the US. More things are public record in the US though.

5

u/Greendiamond_16 Jul 05 '22

This is not a criminal court case, law is not really the focus. Under most circumstances if someone causes damage to person or property it is reasonable to expect that the accused would remedy this through paying for the damages. Due to the complexity of quantifying emotional and mental health damage a judge is often sought out to define the price for remedy. jail time or even legality is not what is being considered. These cases just come down to, how much did you pay for therapy and how much of that is reasonable for the accused to pay.

3

u/pic4taco_ivore Jul 05 '22

this was in Finland

But isnt standing within 2 meters of someone considered sexual harrassment there?

3

u/Artisticslap Jul 05 '22

Haha yeah, I dread the day I will have to take the bus and someone might sit next to me again. The pandemic sucked/sucks but the social distancing was great

3

u/twilighteclipse925 Jul 05 '22

In America you have the concept of fighting words which are words that when spoken in a typical context to a typical person elicit an immediate violent response. In that case the person who committed the violence is assumed justified because of the emotional distress of the fighting words.

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u/Behrooz0 Jul 06 '22

Please do elaborate. Sounds interesting. I never knew I can hurt an American over the Internet.

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u/BootDisc Jul 05 '22

Harassment me thinks.

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u/Artisticslap Jul 05 '22

That is a good guess/stance. I'd like to see that handled in a court room. Like, what makes an act harassment? Because the target here was random and usually it is someone you intend to harass. Interesting

11

u/doyouhavesource5 Jul 05 '22

When you yell fire in a crowd are you targeting individuals? Checkm8

12

u/KatalDT Jul 05 '22

IT'S NOT MURDER BECAUSE I WASN'T AIMING AT ANYBODY IN PARTICULAR

3

u/Artisticslap Jul 05 '22

No, but I wouldn't call it harassment and hmjust assholery. Unless it created a mass panic and people got trampled

2

u/doyouhavesource5 Jul 05 '22

So if only one person gets hurt its ok?

Like creating a panic of a parent and their child?

✅m8

4

u/Artisticslap Jul 05 '22

I've not argued that it's morally right at any point, just legally. De facto wrong, de jure maybe not

31

u/Dane1414 Jul 05 '22

Step 1. Pick a random person on the street

Step 2. Harass them

Checkmate cops

5

u/cabramattaa Jul 05 '22

There are thousands on YouTubers who do exactly that

5

u/NotClever Jul 06 '22

Like, what makes an act harassment?

Luckily, criminal laws are written down so we can know what they are. In my state, the definition of harassment includes quite a few things, but the following would likely apply to the OP:

Sec. 42.07. HARASSMENT. (a) A person commits an offense if, with intent to harass, annoy, alarm, abuse, torment, or embarrass another, the person:

...

(3) conveys, in a manner reasonably likely to alarm the person receiving the report, a false report, which is known by the conveyor to be false, that another person has suffered death or serious bodily injury;

This would come down to whether the OP's joke would be "reasonably likely to alarm" the parent.

3

u/Artisticslap Jul 06 '22

Thank you for your trouble, this is really interesting! We don't have anything like that and it is a problem because you need another crime like stalking or theats to get the police involved and even then they might not bother investigating because so many people receive death threats nowadays and for some reason it is "normal" now

2

u/NotClever Jul 07 '22

Ah, well, whether the police will get involved is indeed a whole other issue. I have no idea what the police here actually do with reports of prank calls like this as harassment. They very well could take your report and toss it in a file to never be looked at again.

2

u/BootDisc Jul 05 '22

Luckily, I have no personal experience with restraining orders, but assume it’s similar.

7

u/SharpCheddarBS Jul 05 '22

Prank calling in America, if you do it to the point of complaint filing and they track you, is punishable with jail time and a fine of $80 per call noted

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u/Fetus_griffin Jul 05 '22

In that case making meth and selling it to 14y olds is legal if I get away with it the first time right?

2

u/Artisticslap Jul 05 '22

No, because selling drugs is illegal in most places

1

u/yourtrueenemy Jul 05 '22

I mean, you have to get away with it all the times to keep it 'legal'.

2

u/wisdomsharerv2 Jul 05 '22

If you lie about a bomb, it's illegal for example

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u/homosapien69420 Jul 05 '22

One could argue that impersonating a school administrator is a criminal offense

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u/VERYLOUDUSERNAME Jul 05 '22

*but it's made up

3

u/GeeseKnowNoPeace Jul 05 '22

OP cares which is why he made that up instead of doing it

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u/lejoo Jul 05 '22

People call and lie to me about warrants for my arrest all the time.

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u/HarveyyDent Jul 05 '22

I will make it legal.

12

u/smallpoly Jul 05 '22

It's treason then

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u/totallyavirgin Jul 05 '22

Im confused what specific law would they be breaking other than being an asshole?

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u/michi-e Jul 05 '22

Not exactly a law I guess, but it is intentional infliction of emotional distress

6

u/8jac0b88 Jul 06 '22

Lol but can really you sue for getting crank called tho

13

u/[deleted] Jul 06 '22 edited Jul 06 '22

[deleted]

6

u/LizardZombieSpore Jul 06 '22

If Jack goes to a private school, they wouldn't be impersonating a public servant

2

u/Exldk Jul 06 '22

If Jack goes to private school, then the school can also sue for defaming.

If Jack goes to private school, then the parents are likely wealthy enough to sue for emotional distress like there's no tomorrow, especially if one or both of the parents suffered any kind of injury while distressed.

0

u/[deleted] Jul 06 '22

[deleted]

2

u/nCubed21 Jul 06 '22

It’s amazing how much you can deduce of jack’s character with our nonexistent interactions with him.

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u/arbitrageME Jul 05 '22

yes, I'm calling from "the school"

251

u/PRGrl718 Jul 05 '22

yeah but the amount of parents who wouldn't even bat an eye at that.

90

u/MrAnonymousTheThird Jul 05 '22

To be fair, I didn't bat an eye till I got here

24

u/FlyingHippoM Jul 05 '22

Never bat eyes

18

u/thereIsAHoleHere Jul 05 '22

For real. They explode on impact. No way you're getting a homer like that.

3

u/captainjack3 Jul 06 '22

Everyone knows to use newt

3

u/PatentedPotato Jul 06 '22

Werd. Bat eyes aren't so great. Bat ears is how they echolocate.

188

u/wolfie_wolff Jul 05 '22

Not falling for it, Nice Try

158

u/Memeing_monkey Jul 05 '22

Holy shit I just spit out my water

79

u/Inert_Oregon Jul 05 '22

Then later on, on the drive home

I called her mom, from a pay phone

I said I was the cops

And your husbands in jail

The state looks down on sodomy

15

u/SugarReyPalpatine Jul 05 '22

Omg i just realized that I’ve been singing that song wrong for years. I was like twelve when that song released thought that last line was “then she looked down and saw me” bc in the video (iirc) she looks out the window at him while he’s on the pay phone outside her house

9

u/thewookie34 Jul 05 '22

I always thought they said and she hung up on me.

6

u/rddsknk89 Jul 05 '22

They say that in the chorus, not in the verse that was quoted here

5

u/Inert_Oregon Jul 05 '22

The next line is “and thats about the time that bitch hung up on me”

1

u/plaguedbullets Jul 05 '22

Next verse after that though. 🎵And that's about the time that bitch hung up on me🎵
You might be just a little confused here.

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u/Commander-Yeet Jul 05 '22

This isn't even a joke anymore, the fuck is wrong with anon

236

u/VirtualPantsu Jul 05 '22

It's 4chan baby shit like that is pretty mild there

26

u/Pm_me_40k_humor Jul 05 '22

This is really typical for the era of Habbo raids.

23

u/hispanglotexan Jul 05 '22

It’s fake.

28

u/SalamandersonCooper Jul 05 '22

“Hi it’s the school” didn’t give it away?

7

u/thereIsAHoleHere Jul 05 '22

Eh. I used to be a part of a community that would do the worst, most fucked up things (short of bodily harm) on purpose for no other reason than they were fucked up. I grew up and realized how utterly deplorable and despicable that behavior is, but I'm certain there are people out there that still enjoy doing that kind of thing. If this post is fake, I'm almost certain someone actually did that after reading the post.

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u/QuiccStacc Jul 05 '22

Yeah, I'm not a parent but a sibling, imagine getting this call - too far

21

u/DinoRaawr Jul 05 '22

"Is your refrigerator running?" "I'm emotionally destroyed."

14

u/Similar-External-302 Jul 05 '22

No actually my refrigerator is gay and has cancer so he can’t run anymore thanks asshole I’m going to fucjing kms

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u/deaddaddydiva Jul 05 '22

You wouldn't just assume it was a joke and laugh at the absurdity?

10

u/SexualPie Jul 05 '22

If somebody told you a family member just died you’d probably bypass the first few steps of logical thought processes.

10

u/Ariix_ Jul 05 '22

The thing is, most people would not take the small risk of playing it off as a joke when it could be real. Especially when it's about your own child.

12

u/CityHoods Jul 05 '22

“This school administrator sure did sound like a teenage virgin, and although it did sound like a really stupid offensive joke, maybe the school has changed their policy on how they break the news to parents when their child dies at school.” -Moe Szyslack

2

u/Ariix_ Jul 05 '22

Lmao I'm not saying it would make sense, I'm saying that people can panic easily and then get dumb ideas.

5

u/BannedSvenhoek86 Jul 06 '22

Bro imagine your wife calling you in hysterics at work and when you finally get her to calm down she tells you, "The school administrator called and said Bobby was a little Elvis because they found him dead on the toilet!"

I would absolutely lose my shit. They'd have to send me home for not being able to stop laughing.

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u/guywithanusername Jul 05 '22

They probably know it's a prank because there's no way someone on 4chan will sound like a normal person

11

u/pierremanslappy Jul 05 '22

A king should die on his throne.

22

u/Chispy Jul 05 '22

movie ads are getting weird these days

6

u/nanfanpancam Jul 05 '22

If only you skip the last two. You just made that mom’s day.

3

u/Accomplished_File_99 Jul 05 '22

I love this idea, if it was 1978.

37

u/NaSMaXXL Jul 05 '22

Hey if they believed it it's their own fault, I mean the guy said this SCHOOL calling...who wouldn't be immediately suspicious of that.

4

u/Redditorsrweird Jul 05 '22

“Hi, the person you’re calling is using a screening service from Google, and will get a copy of this conversation. Go ahead and say your name, and why you’re calling.”

24

u/carstoys5u Jul 05 '22

I don’t get it

107

u/Thedoctor1951 Jul 05 '22

Elvis died mid shit

33

u/polish_cow-slayer Jul 05 '22

Wait fr XD

3

u/wisdomsharerv2 Jul 05 '22

Now we will be paranoid everytime we shit

4

u/FlyingHippoM Jul 05 '22

You'd be surprised how often people die on the toilet, it's not that uncommon.

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u/nkisj Jul 05 '22

He had really insane constipation cause of his awful diet

2

u/465554544255434B52 Jul 05 '22

And that's why he's a legend

8

u/AffordableRolex Jul 05 '22

Every time I’m embarrassed for spending time on Reddit, I remind myself that 4chan exists

1

u/Tesrab Jul 06 '22

There are worse places, like Facebook.

3

u/blue4029 Jul 06 '22

I guess the child was left as...

dust in the wind.

wait no, thats not an elvis song FUCK

3

u/eatpenis45 Jul 06 '22

Now that wasn't very nice. I sure hope that person called her back and clarified that her son was likely a-okay and that this was nothing but a practical joke!

3

u/moeburn Jul 05 '22

Fake, Jack isn't a real name. Nobody names their kid Jack.

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u/HugePurpleNipples Jul 05 '22

What’s wrong?

nothing

We didn’t so much as find him there as put him there when we were done.

2

u/ncopp Jul 05 '22

The more evil thing to do is to impersonate an admin and tell the mom her kid is in trouble so they get yelled at and grounded when they get home

2

u/CarolFukinBaskin Jul 06 '22

Have the cringe lords always controlled this sub or is it recent?

2

u/Cris_WithNoH Jul 06 '22

We have a little kurt Cobin on our hand

2

u/Turbulent-Whereas988 Jul 06 '22

People could do this shit before there was caller ID. So this joke is about 25-30 years old.

2

u/ShubhamManna Jul 06 '22

What website is that?

2

u/AAA8002poog Jul 06 '22

Who pissed in their cornflakes

2

u/Symos404 Jul 06 '22

Oh yeah? Well on the anime sub, someone asked for a rom com anime and I said School Days

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u/BaztardJack Jul 06 '22

He woke up and chose violence but violence was waiting for him

8

u/iPhone40 Jul 05 '22

Fake. Always verify by asking someone what the name of your child and what school they go to.

2

u/Rozukimaru Jul 05 '22

Anon is hilarious

1

u/Efficient-Book-3560 Jul 05 '22

Norm Macdonald would write a joke like that

1

u/bkdeamon Jul 05 '22

Don't care how this goes down. But this is just vile. I get it. Anon is crude for the sake of being crude. But it is disgusting. This content should not be allowed to be promoted.

1

u/qwerty-u_io Jul 06 '22

What is this app/website called?

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u/ItsToo4Tune Jul 06 '22

Something's off about this story, and it makes it seem fake.

-3

u/SplitLevel17 Jul 05 '22

This should be in cringetopia or whatever that cringe sub is.

1

u/Alexandre_Man Jul 05 '22

That's so funny!

1

u/Fwooping Jul 05 '22

Now they're going to have to make a faction about him in fallout new vegas.

1

u/average_garbage_can Jul 05 '22

We do a little trolling

1

u/jaffakree83 Jul 05 '22

Dark AND hilarious